It’s been 3 months and 5 days since you called it off.
I feel myself slowly vanishing from your thoughts. How is it possible that after everything we’ve shared I can just be forgotten that easily? It’s kind of unfair for you to forget. We had a deal, remember? We made promises. We planned for our future. But… who are we kidding? We we were just a bunch of kids playing with fire. Our happiness was all a ploy to make the time pass. To make us feel that we were significant in at least someone’s life.
But you know what? I believed every single one of those ideas. Those nights when we just talk about how we’re going to live, where we’re going to live…..haha. It all seems like a big joke now.
It wasn’t like this before though. To tell you the truth, I felt it. I’m pretty sure you felt it too. The way we talked about traveling the world together… It made me think that maybe just maybe we could make it. That all those things other people say are crap. That our love is real. As real as any married people will have.
Then our problems surfaced. I became the bitch who couldn’t see your worth. I broke up with you for several times. Not without reason. You see, there was always this nagging feeling in my head. The one that says “it’s not him.” “this guy is giving me effort” “girl, you should appreciate him.” “ahh, why do you put up with him” “He’s awful”… Those fucked up thoughts that don’t coincide with one another. Those thoughts were raking through my brain. The doubts were tinged with hope, but the hope was tinged with doubts.
And so I pushed you away.
I always believed in those sweet sappy love stories. The ones where the prince rescues the damsel in distress. The ones where the guy who broke a girl’s heart comes back and gives her the most epic surprise the whole audience couldn’t have ever imagine. The ones where the girl gets the man of her dreams.
Today, I realized that those are just stories. My mind was programmed to think that you could level with those knights in shining armor. I was wrong. You were actually better. Your rescue missions were making me smile every end of a depressing day. Your surprise was sending me a cute good morning text everyday…
And the man of my dreams was just that… a dream.
The man of my reality was there right in front of me and i failed to fight for him. I guess what I’m just really trying to say is, I didn’t know what I had until you were gone. And I’m sorry.